Lols

Ok I posted the last post, what, under an hour ago? And the vodka has hit me already?!

Not cool...

It's been a while..

I bloody well knew I wouldn't keep this blog up to date! I'm bored and its the last possible thing I could find to do online now, believe me lol..

Has been a weird couple of weeks, any motivation to do work that I may have had has well and truely disappeared. I'm starting to think that maybe subconsciously I'm trying to test myself..my deadline for the german portfolio is this wed, THIS wed, and I'm still quite a long way off being finished. It's like I want to see how long I can leave it until the fear hits me..I wish it would hit soon!! Then I have another deadline for Friday..its a composition for 4 instruments (I'm thinking piano, violin, cello and double bass - and thats all ive got so far lol) The reason I suppose I've left that so late is because it is a composition..it is MY own work..there is no wrong answer...I could compose the biggest load of shite in my teachers eyes but the fact remains that it's MY composition and I can add it to my portfolio :)

I can't wait til friday is over actually..I can then breathe a little and chill out (more so than I have been doing without feeling guilty for it ).

Got a couple of Gigs coming up..one at home on 21st...I'm hoping it will be a good night, more importantly a good night that I can remember. No best friends feeling the wrath of my lips would be a bonus :D The second gig is on 25th...funeral for a friend...I have a feeling it's going to be an amazing night. Catherine, Pip, Steve and Rachel are coming up to stay with me...Oooh I really can't wait now :D Apart from the gig, I'm on a mission to make Steve fall in love with Glasgow. Should be easy, right? :)

Erik's having a flat party at his new place tonight..should be fun. I need to stop worrying before I go out to various drinking sessions and just go and enjoy myself, not depend on anyone, and have fun for me.

And on that note, I'm gonna crack open the vodka :D

No return

One mistake..

That's all it takes..

You can't undo it

And life as you know it is changed forever...

Sexy

Oooh had a great night..random and unexpected..which made it great hehe! Went to the Strathmore for some drinks ( total traditonal "old man" pub) and there should be an Ann Summer's Party taking place..WITH the old men still present which made it even more fun lol!

The woman was quite pushy. It got rather annoying when she scowled as we said we were students and therefore skint. She looked at us as if it wasnt a valid excuse? When we didnt buy anything from the catologue I felt it was only polite to atleast buy a raffle strip for £2.

So I had the strip 851 - 855 and Erik insisted that if i happened to win on the number 853 then I would have to wear the outift for him..loads of folk had bought a strip so I was like what are the odds, sure why not..and shook on it. They called out some prizes and strip numbers..some old guy won a portable clit vibrator thingy..fucking brilliant lol...he gave it to one of the girls though hehe.

So it came to the last prize..picking any outfit you wanted from the table...and of course my strip got called! I was so happy, shocked, mortified all at once lol! I have amazing luck when it comes to bets and such like! I picked out this lovely dark purple strappy top with black lacy bits..with matching thong hehe..and arranged a party for when gem and i move in together in April :D

Eriks on msn being all stroppy cos i wont let him see me in it ha ha

Roomies

Gemma and I are getting a flat together in April! I can't tell you how excited I am to have my own nice, clean flat ,without any loud and noisy boys waking me up at 4am. I'll get a double bed!!! I've never had one in my life :D Omg it wont come quick enough..Thing is, I can't get out of my Murano contract until June, which means I'll be paying rent two different places. I'm shitting myself about money already..and its only Jan :/ I've decided I'll not officially move out of here til June (ie. keep my keys for my flat) so that I can still do my duties in May and of course, still get paid :)

On a completely different note; Erik is a shit. I mentioned to him that his flatmate Jordan happened to be hot. Next thing Jordan comes in the kitchen to get something and on his way back out, out of the silence, and completely unexpected, comes a "Jenny thinks you're cute". I wish I could have got a picture of my face lol. Cringe!

Goofy

Forget being RickRolled on Youtube..Erik has came up with GoofyRolled lol! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3debg_o3u_o

We watched A Goofy Movie the other night..he loves it and I on the other hand thought it was complete shite. So imagine my horror when we were talking about what we can watch next and he suggested we watch that again! I don't wanna watch it and I definitely don't wanna relive the songs on Youtube lol..so he's now determined to link me up to them every chance he gets.

So far I'm too clever to fall for it :P

Spunky

A bunch of us went out for Eni's birthday on Saturday night just gone. We started in a bar called Ocouture, think that's how you spell it, previously known as Stavka, fuck knows if I'm spelling that right either? I loved it in there..there were a few floors each with lovely fancy bars..and lots of comfy seating. I was in my element :) Then I had a french martini! Don't ask me what was in it..it was sooooo good, but I think it was responsible for the state I was in by the time we got to The Garage. I can't really remember much about being there...only dancing. Don't think I had any drinks there - makes a change but I'm thinking now it was a wise decision. Erik ended up taking me home...apparently I was leaning on him as we searched for a taxi moaning that I couldn't walk. I have no recollection of him getting me into my flat and he says once I was in I told him to "go away". Harsh! I've told him I'm sorry..I feel horrible after he looked after me, but Erik being Erik was understanding as always. I woke up with 4 empty boxes of Spunk (tis a danish sweet..erik gave me a whole big box of boxes :D)..must have had the munch..no surprise really lol.

So it's Monday now and I'm happy to say that I've taken the first steps towards succeeding in my New Years Resolutions :D I dragged my ass out of bed and went to Musical Techniques..ok so the class wasn't til 2pm and i got up at 12, which had I of slept any later would have been extremely uber lazy of me, but still. AND..at 3.30 I went to the gym! Was only in there til about 4.15, dying may I add, but I'll build my time up the more I go.

I'm debating with the idea of staying up late tonight and doing my german project? Hmm..but Erik has just downloaded Seven Pounds which I'm dying to see..decisions decisions!

No classes on a Tuesday so I'm gonna go into town and buy a new top for Wed night. Erik and Petya want to take me to a gay bar. Ha and now I have the song in my head :D Hmm I am excited..change of scene and all..but quite nervous. Don't really know what to expect?

Well my plans for tonight are decided. German can wait as can Seven Pounds..the senior residents are meeting in the common room to have a few drinks and watch some movies. Good thing I have some wine in :)

It's Not You

I can't stop singing Paramore's "I Caught Myself"..

Down to you,
You're pushing and pulling me down to you.
But I don't know what I,
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself.
I'm saying something that I should have never thought.
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself.
From saying something that I should have never thought of you, of you.

You're pushing and pulling me down to you,
But I don't know what I want,
No I don't know what I want.

You got it, you got it,
Some kind of magic.
Hypnotic, hypnotic,
You're leaving me breathless.
I hate this, I hate this,
You're not the one I believe in.
With God as my witness.

Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself,
I'm saying something that I should have never thought.
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself,
From saying something that I should have never thought of you, of you.

You're pushing and pulling me down to you.
But I don't know what I want.
No I don't know what I want.

Don't know what I want.
But I know it's not you.
Keep pushing and pulling me down,
But I know in my heart it's not you.

Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself,
From saying something that I should have never thought.
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself,
From saying something that I should have never thought of you.
I knew, I know in my heart it's not you.
I know but now I know what I want, I want, I want,
Oh no, I should have never th ought.

The lyrics are extremely fitting!

New Years Resolutions..2 weeks later!

I haven't been able to sleep properly for the last couple of nights..I just lie there unable to switch my brain off. It's always when I'm lying in bed with nothing better to do that I start thinking about things I wish I could do, things I want to achieve, and most of the time I fall asleep believing that when I wake up I will somehow have more determination and drive to do them. Tommorrow is another day after all.

But it never happens. When I wake up I feel exactly the same. That was, until this morning! :)

I have set some realistic goals that I want to achieve..starting from when I go back to Uni on Monday;

1) Stop missing classes when I've got that can't be arsed getting up feeling. Just GET UP! Go to class..it's better in the long run.

2) Remember how good it felt when I went to the gym 5 days in the week. After only 5 days I felt amazing..and feeling that again would also help with the getting up thing and concentrating too. So yes, get to the gym on a regular basis!

3) Find a job. The senior resident gig has it's perks sometimes, but the pay is shit! And it probably wont get me by for muvh longer.

4) START my german portfolio...its due in week 6...i think thats around the end of Feb? It's like a 3rd of my overall grade aswell..really want to do well in it. I am not failing 2nd year this time round!

So I guess there is no time like the present. Toodles

So here goes...

I used to keep a diary, religously, which i was very proud of for around 5 years. I still have all 6 books upstairs in my memory box at home. It's great fun to read the entries back and laugh hysterically at the people i used to think were "sooo hot" and the things i used to do with old best friends who I don't see anymore. Writing a diary became a habit..but as the years passed I started to write less and less...mostly when I had so many good things going on there wasn't time to stop and note them down. But in the end I found myself only writing when something had happened that completely overwhelmed me, something that produced too many thoughts to say aloud and contemplate, something that can only be made less head splitting by writing...and more writing...

Tonight is one of those times..I would have written it in a "normal" diary, but as I was sitting with the laptop and had been shown this blog site by, well not a friend, an aquaintance anyway, I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm actually finding it quite theraputic already lol. The more I ramble on about other things the more I dont feel the need to write about what I came on to write about..but I shall give it a go..

Me and this guy came to the end of our..I don't even know what I should call it..our thing? tonight. We met back in september and had a good drunken fun night out..that's how it all started. From then on we were texting eachother everyday..and talking on msn all the time. I love the start of all new "things" when you are just getting to know the person, having a laugh, flirting..its all harmless..there is no pressure, no assumptions, no rules. I regret to say this is the part I do best in. Although, I'm sure I'm not the only one...
This guy and I, we had what I love with anyone..the mocking banter that keeps you on your toes at all times, and it was this that made us click more and more. Things progressed as we met up more and more as they do, and it started to feel like we were a couple. But I felt deep down that I couldn't let us become officially boyfriend and girlfriend because I didn't trust him. I wanted to. In theory I had no real reason not to. Even now I have no idea if he was genuine which is what upsets me most.
Anyway, tonight he told me that he doesnt feel ready for any sort of relationship other than friendship, and that it's not fair on me for us to keep seeing eachother. Ok, this all sounds very noble and honest..and yeah it may well be how he feels, but I dont buy it. For whatever reason...If this is the truth then I wish him good luck and I hope with all my heart that he figures himself out and can let someone in. We're going to stay friends, could be difficult considering we wern't even that before all this started? but I hope its possible..
I just really hope that he is being honest and he was not just too much of a coward to tell me that he doesnt want me anymore. If i find out this is the case then we won't even be friends. And that's the part that makes me sad the most - the thought of having nothing more to do with someone I get on so well with.

I hope the little niggling voice in the back of my head gets proved wrong..!